October 9^th, 2014

                This time I was ready. I looked over my shoulder to make sure no one was looking. You see, it tends to look a little crazy for a man to put on a hockey mask and place a bat in his hand before unlocking his apartment door, but like I said, I’m ready this time. Last night I got pretty hurt. This giant snake wrapped me up pretty good and I’m almost positive it cracked a rib, but as usual I was healed up by morning. How annoying. You see the monster or whatever will disappear right at midnight, so I can at least get some sleep. What a courteous curse. Either way I have to deal with it until then and if you think I’m just going to let it throw me around like Mr. Snake like last night, you’re dead wrong! After the lock clicked open I walked in to see a woman. It’s odd enough to see a woman in my apartment, let alone floating off the ground. I didn’t take my chances. I took a forward step, charging my fears and fighting the chills running through my skin and I let the Louisville slugger fly. I thought maybe I’d aim for her head, but even for an evil thing, whose sole purpose is to hurt me, it felt like a pretty cheap shot. Let’s just say, it was a mistake. The bat passed right through her as if she was the wind herself. I kind of threw out my shoulder with the bad swing, but then again I was never really one who was good at sports.

                Regardless of the lack of contact, this just alerted her that I was there. She, still floating of course, turned slowly and I got to see her face in full. Her hair was thin, white, and draped down to her knees. Her eyes were far from normal; they were grey and almost glowing, but it was her mouth that I remember the most. I have trouble trying to describe it, but her mouth was huge. I mean it looked normal at first, but when we made eye contact she grew this smile and boy it went from ear to ear. She revealed her teeth under the yellow glow of my living room light. Now, thanks to TV and natural horror movie formula, I expected all of her teeth to be jagged and sharp, but it was the opposite. She had wide, flat teeth, almost like cubes in her mouth. I really didn’t know what to expect from here; maybe she was going to bite me? All I knew is I was kind of glad I had the bat still in my hands for defense, but then I realized that if the bat went through her, then maybe she couldn’t hurt me physically! Maybe this was one of those nights where she was just supposed to scare me a bit; at least I could only hope so.

                I was wrong. She took a deep breath, her jaw looking unhinged, and let the air release. Her screech made me drop to my knees in pain as I looked upon that satisfying look upon her face. What a jerk, am I right? She was a banshee. I, in frantic pain, threw the bat at her, which, of course, went through her vapory head and then through my TV. That was brilliant, Shawn, she never saw THAT coming. I immediately covered up my ears again, mostly because I had no idea on what else to do. This was weird. Not only did the screaming from her ugly mouth make me feel like my head was going to pop, but it was much worse than that. Through the piercing sound I could hear all these voices at once talking very solemnly and slow. It must have been thousands of voices all talking at once, but I could hear them all at the same time, but still comprehend every word. They all said things like “He was too young” or “She was cherished by those gathered here today”. Then I realized that the screaming, the screeching part, was nothing more than the sound of weeping of everyone who heard the words. It was awful. I wish Mr. Snake was back to play; at least I had a bat for him. My dang dainty hands weren’t enough to block out the sound. That’s frustrating. My hands are small and that’s obviously a trouble in itself. Can’t play guitar, can’t swing a bat right, can’t block out the sounds of a banshee trying to melt my brain, oh but if there’s something that falls down a small drain I am your man!

                It was hard to even think straight with all of the noise. I couldn’t bear this. Some of the monsters I engage are actually kind of fun to deal with. I once fought an apartment full of porcelain dolls and I can’t tell you how satisfying it was to throw one of those little things against the wall. It was hysterical! I finally realized that I needed something to permanently block out the noise.  First I tried some headphones with loud music, but it went through pretty easy, but still better than my tiny hands. I quickly ran to the box my father left me and opened it. It was an old gun box with a revolver and about 4 bullets rolling around. I slide the firearm aside and found exactly what I was looking for: the ear protection for a gun range. I put it on over my headphones and all I could hear was the classical piano from my headphones. I looked right into the Banshee’s face and laughed. I could tell she wasn’t pleased, but that’s what I was hoping for. That grin she had turned to a frown. I watched her as she tried to breathe deeper and yell louder, but she couldn’t pierce the ear protection. Funny, right? I brought a bat to handle my problem and I ended up listening to Bohemian Rhapsody while eating a sandwich in front of the monster. Midnight came and the Banshee was gone with a frown of disappointment. Interestingly enough, sometimes problems need to be confronted with a creative solution, rather than a direct one. 

Shawn Frite